My husband and I met at work in 1996 and were married in March 2000. We knew that we both wanted children but not right away, we said we would wait for close to five years. My sister-in-law got pregnant and had her first daughter in June 2000, holding her in my arms and helping to take care of her made me decide I wanted a child much sooner than five years, however convincing my husband was a much harder task.
We still had not decided to start trying when I missed my period. I took several pregnancy test's but they all came back negative. The Doctor sent me for a blood test and it came back negative after three days. In the time we waited for the test results we got comfortable with the idea that we could be pregnant and we were both disappointed when we were not. My husband finally decided it would be okay with him if we started really trying. I went to the my ob/gyn who did her own blood test for pregnancy as well as hormones and other tests these all came back normal with no pregnancy and I was sent to have an Ultrasound done which showed a cyst on my left ovary. From that point on my cycle has never been the same. My doctor, ran her own tests and they all pointed to lack of ovulation. The next step was to start Clomid, The doctors will only go to 200mg before they require you to see a specialist; we were at 200mg and decided to see the specialist when we discovered that I was pg with my son. We were ecstatic but also very nervous, since just a while previously my sister in law lost her second child just a few days before she was to give birth and we had no idea why this happened.
When my son was 1 1/2 we found out that I had spontaneously gotten pg a second time only for it to end in a miscarriage at 10 weeks. Once my body had recovered we started trying again, we started with Clomid again but my GYN could only start at the beginning even though the low doses did not work last time, after a few months of this I decided to go back to the RE we had started to see when I found out I was pg with my DS. We did several tests and found that my right tube is closed as well as the fact that I do no ovulate on my own, she says that reproductively I am a mess and is amazed at the fact that I got pg without major help. She suggests going directly to IVF, but we don't have $15,000-$30,000 to just toss around. There is only a 50/50 chance with IVF, but the other methods are getting expensive too. We have also thought of adoption which is expensive as well as not our own child, we decided that adoption would be our last choice. We have also looked in to Surrogacy which is even moree expensive and hard to hold up in court where we live. I have been doing some combo of oral meds and injectable meds for three years now and I am just getting so tired of all of it, the emotional stress of the process and every lost cycle is getting harder to deal with. People including family always ask if we are going to have more. It seems like everyone around me is either pg or just had a baby, my son even asks when he sees other kids with their littler siblings why he does not have a baby too and this just breaks my heart. I am asking for any amount of money to get us toward the goal of $15,000 to pay for one round of IVF.
My infertility has made me feel like a failure like I'm lost, alone, pointless and useless. I feel as if I have let my husband down. Many people say that it will come when the time is right, this is a nice idea but it is very painful to see people everyday in the news, which have abandoned, neglected or even killed their own children and I who want another child to love a care for have to go through hell to maybe get there. I also know a few people who have their own miracle babies that were never supposed to be able to have children and, believe me I count my blessing every day to have my angel with me everyday I just wish I could share that love with another child.
